Life lessons come along everyday for me. One of the most recent lessons revealed itself to me last night while I was journaling and watching TV. On the show I was watching, a woman said something that really stuck with me. She said that although you can cherish and appreciate the lessons and values your parents have given you, you are not your parents, you are you, something special. Now as cliche and overdone as that lesson may be, it for some reason stuck with me. I think it’s maybe because I have had somewhat of a struggle with my own parents. For all the love they give me, they also seem to hold me back because of the values they believe in. They want me in some ways to be like them and not be who I am. The truth is, I’m very different from my parents. I care much more about fashion and trends then they do. I’m not saying that I am simply superficial though, I’m not. I do care about so many other important things in life, but fashion is a part of me. And to me fashion is not just something stupid and superficial.
Fashion is about expression and being a true example of me. It’s about being able to show off the person I want to be, and showing that I am unique and one of a kind. Yes I wear makeup and and feminine clothes, but it’s because that’s me, not anybody else. I am not who my parents are and I never will be. It’s not because I’m trying to rebel against them, but I am my own person which is very different from them.
And although my parents won’t ever realize this, its not like this has been easy for me either. The looks I get some times make me want to just evaporate into thin air. But I have made myself immune to what other people think of me, because I have realized that nothing is more important to me than retaining who I am and never backing down. Although most people don’t realize it, I am risking it all to be me. I risk being beat up in the streets every day. I risk being yelled at, hated against, and discriminated against for who I am. I risk not being able to work where I want to or live how I want to just because of who I am and what I look like. All I am saying is that it isn’t just my parents or friends or family who has to deal with me being gay, wearing what I want, and being who I am. I risk everything every day, because I will not be silenced. I will not look down or back away ever. I am so much stronger and more confident than almost anybody in this world. And I risk it all to be me, the gay fashionista, designer, and artist. Fashion is all about confidence and expression, and that is who I am and will always be. I will never be someone who I’m not for anybody in this world. Friends, family, boyfriends, nobody can push me to be someone I’m not. I risk it all because I believe in me and every single person in this world who is discriminated against for who they are. Risk it all, and never back down!
Love Ethan Brown Jones